Filled to the Measure

It’s still dark out, which is an unfortunate start to Saturday morning. I’d hoped to wake up with sunlight streaming through the crack that the curtain never quite covers. Somewhere in this darkness, I know my room is a mess. There’s an explosion of laundry on the papasan and strewn across the floor. There’s a box of presents that need to find a home. There’s the giant suitcase needing packed short. It’s a bit hazardess for this klutzy gal. 

Maybe I could have slept longer if my mind hadn’t started running through the list. While a small family wedding sounded simple enough, there’s still seemingly endless amounts to do and think through. To be honest, there’s part of me that is itching to get to the other side of this season just to get some genuine rest. 

Because it’s definitely been a week. On top of the normal busyness and stresses of being two weeks out from a wedding, my Jeep began smoking. It went into the shop with hopes of repair but emerged, after talk of leaking heater coils, cylinder misfires, and several other issues, not worth the repair. It’s absolutely not great timing. 

And yet morning by morning new mercies I see. 

There’s been a brother and a fiancé that have happily taken me to and from work and let me use their cars. There’s a good friend, that’s overseas, that has insisted we use his car for a bit so we don’t have to purchase one under duress. There’s been the check-in of good friends and family. There were fun bonus gifts at Sephora. There was the early birthday celebration for me at work complete with brownies just the way I like them. There are the timely checks we’ve received that have helped us breathe a little easier. There’s the silly cat who is currently curled up sleeping in my lap. 

And there’s just the fiancé himself, the soon-to-be husband, that is worth the chaos of this season. For a time, I wasn’t sure there would be one. But this weekend a year ago, while walking with him through Pumpkinfest and driving to his brother’s after our friend’s Halloween party, I started to suspect my single days were numbered. What I didn’t appreciate was how well we’d match up. I didn’t know how nice it would be to have someone take care of me. I didn’t anticipate how much he’d make me laugh. I didn’t expect how humbling and incredible it would be to let myself be loved the way he loves me. 

So, yes, there’s a to do list for the week that is longer than I’d like. There’s trips to stores, always one more errand, cleaning, packing, and certainly a bit more planning to do. Today’s early hour may very well mandate an extra cup of coffee. But maybe I needed it to have a chance to slow my racing brain and take stock of my life. To breathe and shift my focus from the tasks to the reasons. To remind myself courtesy of Ellie Holcomb’s post that I am “filled to the measure” by God’s love and His mercies and His goodness. To remember that I am not running into this week on empty but filled with things that are so much more rich, nuanced, storied, and wonderful than I’d ever imagined. To drink it all in and remember that this season is still very, very good.