Singleness, Downton Abbey, Fears, and Flirting

If I used Twitter, I would file this under #confession. But I don’t tweet because #imissedthebandwagon and #athispointwhybother. Nevertheless, this is a confessional of sorts on singleness, Downton Abbey, and one of my greatest fears.

Being single, female, and twenty-seven is a strange thing. It’s not bad nor good; just strange. Having spent twenty-six and half of those years not “in a relationship,” I’m more or less used to it. It’s what I know, but definitely not what I desire. And certainly not how I anticipated my life unfolding. Sometimes I’m grateful because not being attached to a significant other has allowed me be the me I want to be without having to factor in someone’s expectations. There’s a freedom to it at times. And there’s a quite hope that someday, in the nearish future, I’ll get swept off my feet.

That being said, singleness is different when you’re no longer in your teens or early-twenties. Continue reading

Advertisements

Sometimes It’s Not Easy As Pie

IMG_0814Orange barrels. My life right now is a maze of orange barrels. Literally my town is littered with orange barrels. It’s closed roads and reroutes. I can’t leave my house in either direction without seeing a “Road Work Ahead” sign. I never know what to expect when I venture down Mack Hatcher.

And I wish I was only navigating construction zones on the road and not in my life. But that’s also turned into one big construction zone. For two years I’ve known the plan which is to finish nursing school. But now I only have a rough idea of what should happen: less than one more month of classes, finals, pinning, NCLEX, and then it’s fingers/toes/elbows/legs/eyes crossed a job as a RN. I have a sketch but the getting there . . . That’s a maze of confusion. And the timeline is even blurrier. Where should I apply? What kind of nursing do I want to try? Or in a tight market what can I get? Experience anywhere would be great but is it too much to hope I also like going to work? Quite frankly it’s a little daunting.

Sometimes it’s not easy as pie. Maybe that’s way I find myself gravitating towards the kitchen. Why I’ve made a grand total of six pies in the past month. Now in fairness, some of those where for an early Thanksgiving meal.  But I keep coming back because I know when I’m baking, I can follow a recipe and turn butter, sugar, flour, and love into something less than perfect but still pretty spectacular.

Like apple pie.

IMG_0836

Or a Reese ice cream pie concoction.

IMG_0800

It’s also probably why I find myself already watching Hallmark Christmas movies. Are they cheesy? Of course. But it’s kind of nice to know at the end of the movie everyone will wind up happy- well at least the ones on the nice list. And I like predicting, with high accuracy, the outcome. Sometimes I can even guess the dialogue. It’s not award-winning TV but it doesn’t require a lot thinking. It’s just serendipity and fluff.

And in this season that’s whirling by faster than the leaves are blowing off the trees, I’m trying to take the day as it comes. Do what’s required at this step. Thinking ahead as needed but trying not to lose focus on now. In this month of thanks, I’m trying to be grateful for the little things. The simple things:

A recent exploration of quaint Bell Buckle, home of Moon Pies and RC Cola, with my mom.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

 This beautiful birthday bouquet.

IMG_0822

Playing with my dogs on a gorgeous fall day.

IMG_0729

Seriously, dogs are great for reminding you of what’s good in the world. How could you not love this face?

IMG_0724

Or not find yourself taking her cue to just kick back and relax?

IMG_0847

It’s watching the sunrise unfold over Nashville that makes getting up at 4:30 for clinical tollerable

IMG_0842

Or discovering the neighborhood kids have decorated the trees.

IMG_0817

IMG_0819

It’s a happy mug that reminds me, “We’re all stories in the end. Just make it a good one, eh?”

IMG_0805Complete with a T.A.R.D.I.S. tea pot to make any tea time a happier timey-wimey-ier place.

IMG_0831

It’s going to a 90’s themed Halloween party. It’s discovering you can, in fact, buy scrunchies at the store- which I may or may not have in my hair at this very moment. It’s being grateful I don’t have this 90’s haircut anymore.

IMG_0826

It’s getting the very first letter actually written by my Compassion child.

IMG_0787

Finding the moon through the leaves at the end of a long day.

IMG_0857

It’s birthday celebrations, laughing with my classmates, grabbing lunch with a best friend. It’s gathering with my small group- excuse me- Missional Community group on Wednesday nights. It’s a hundred little things that remind me to breathe. To take each curve as it comes. So when like today, I became the proud owner of a full set of new tires I’m just happy the guy alerted me to my low back right tire before I end up stranded on the side of the road.

It’s not simple. It’s certainly not easy as pie. It’s most definitely not a Hallmark movie. The future is still this blurry looming thing but I find myself echoing the words of Anne Shirley:

“Oh, I’ve dozens of plans, Marilla. I’ve been thinking them out for a week. I shall give life here my best, and I believe it will give its best to me in return. When I left Queen’s my future seemed to stretch out before me like a straight road. I thought I could see along it for many a milestone. Now there is a bend in it. I don’t know what lies around the bend, but I’m going to believe that the best does.” ~ L.M. Montgomery Anne of Green Gables

And that’s enough for tonight. Now’s the time to rest and be still. To let go and let God. For tomorrow holds the next step and most graciously His mercies are new every morning.